Sisters in Grief: Young Widows Trip to Africa 2014
The Third of
May, 2007 was the day that my husband Mark died. The Third of May, 2007 was the
day that I, for the first time in my otherwise rather charmed life, wished
death upon myself. I was only 29 years
old. Almost everything in my life has changed since then.
While living
in an affluent suburb outside of Chicago, I felt alone in my grief as a young
widow. I felt the loss of a level of expectation that perhaps only those living
in first world countries have the luxury to possess so ignorantly. I had lost the American dream of the
good-looking and successful spouse, the white painted fence, and the security
of living life as I would design it to be. My sense of control was swept away by
a harsh wave of realization that we, in fact, control little. I have since
learned that it is best to live life with open hands as we cannot hold onto
much of this life, no matter how tight our grip may be.
After my husband died I traveled to parts of Africa with a small group
of individuals. I had been to Africa numerous times in years prior, but this time
we visited a widow's colony and I met women who were not only widowed, but also
forced to live on their own. These women had formed a community and the
organization that I was traveling with was there to build them a well. We walked
and talked with these women who had invited us into their lives. We also toured
the neighboring villages where we were allowed into the homes of some of the
residents. Stepping inside one of these tiny mud huts, my eyes swept across the
otherwise bare mud walls until I noticed a small and frayed embroidered
tapestry that said, "Learn to appreciate even the little that God gives
you." Tears formed pools in my eyes as the impression of that tiny wall
hanging was grafted on my heart. The framework for my expectations in life was
forced to make a major shift. The experience opened my eyes and shook the dust
off of long lost impressions from previous trips to third world countries. I
realized that these women in Africa were my sisters. They were my sisters in
grief and my sisters in hope as they taught me how to dance even through life’s
difficulties.
The experience of my visit certainly wiped out any self-pity that I was
holding onto. Yes, I was widowed. Yes, I had experienced grief on a very deep
level. Yes, my heart ached for my husband who I missed with everything in me.
However, I was a young American woman who lived in a country in which I was
free to pursue my own goals and dreams. I lived a life in which I was supported
by those around me. My community didn't shun me, but instead supported me. I
had much to be grateful for even in the midst of my pain. Glimmers of light
began to appear in my otherwise dark soul. I felt connected, inspired,
encouraged and full of purpose. The idea to bring widows from first world
countries to visit widows in the third world was born.
I have found it to be a rare occurrence to feel such absolute vision and
purpose. There have been only a couple of times in which I felt as though I was
doing exactly what I was meant to do. Writing my memoir was one and now this
idea of taking young widows from America and Europe to visit their sisters in
grief in Africa is another. I knew deep in my soul that this was to happen. I
had no idea when or to what magnitude, but the intention and purpose had been
set firm in my mind. I have expectantly waited and the timing has now presented
itself. This October I have the honor to be traveling with a group of young
widows from America and Europe to visit the work of two non-profits that assist
widows in Kenya. I hope that this trip provides the space and opportunity for a
group of women to support, encourage, and inspire one another. I pray that we
will learn to live life with purpose and in gratitude for even the little that
has been given. I desire for our hearts to feel joy in the midst of sorrow and
perhaps most importantly, that we will learn to dance together as sisters
through the grief with open hands. We cannot control much, but we can choose
gratitude and we can choose how to spend each and every day as it is given to
us.
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